Looking Forward and Back

Right now my kids are driving me kind of crazy...Okay a lot crazy.  I love them so much and have done my best to raise them.  Both Bill and I have given them the best childhood we could. 

Now I have these two violent kids who I think are trying to kill me!  Rachel has put me in the hospital, Glen has given me enough bruises and scraps to last a lifetime.

I'm so ready for them to leave home I can taste it!  I'm tired of being scared of waking up and wondering what the hell is going to happen to me or anyone else who works with them.

Who am I kidding?  I'm still going to worry.

August 11th is our court date to get guardianship of Glen.  Okay there's that.  We are going to be responsible for Glen the rest of our lives.  Oh goodie. 

Twenty two more months and we are get to do it again for Rachel.

I need to look on the bright side, and stop thinking about what could have been and not be upset of what it is. 

When I had Glen I remember imagining his graduation from high school, getting him ready for collage, then setting up his first apartment.  Slipping him a couple of bucks every now and then until his career got started, finally meeting, and hating the woman he was going to marry.  Then waiting for grandkids.   Then would come the joy of spoiling them rotten and returning them to my son and daughter in law.

Nope not going to happen.

Get custody, sign him up for SSI, then a group home.  Where he will hopefully live happily until he dies.

Did I mention 22 months later I get to do this for Rachel, who I had the same dreams for. I really just need to be grateful my kids are healthy and for the most part happy.

Now that I have vented, I promise to only think good thoughts.