On Anger
I'm really not a angry person. Well I didn't use to be.
BUT..................
In the last year I found out how much my mother was more of a self centered pain in the ass, than I ever could imagine. I have spent since April filling in the blanks in my head. Things that, at the time made silly sense but now....it was another lie.
I never loved my mother, but I had respected her. Now I don't even have that.
What amazes me is the response I get from friends who think they know what I went through with her. One told me that since Jesus forgave us our sins...You get the rest.
I'm not Jesus.
Another told me "Well you have to choose NOT to be angry."
Okay?
I also choose to be skinny and have both my kids be normal teenagers and not have autism and my daughter not be blind! BITCH I AM PISSED OFF!!!!
I spent being lied to for the first 38 years of my life by a woman who was more interested in herself than me. She died young, and not I'm thinking she did it on purpose to avoid my wrath. (If anyone could plan it out, she could.)
Some where inside me I know the anger will pass. And I don't think I want it too. For once I WANT the anger. I WANT to keep it close. It will make me remember NOT to treat the people I love like crap.
So Mom...No you don't get "mom"....Lois, prepare yourself. When we meet in the next life, I'm going to kick your ass.
BUT..................
In the last year I found out how much my mother was more of a self centered pain in the ass, than I ever could imagine. I have spent since April filling in the blanks in my head. Things that, at the time made silly sense but now....it was another lie.
I never loved my mother, but I had respected her. Now I don't even have that.
What amazes me is the response I get from friends who think they know what I went through with her. One told me that since Jesus forgave us our sins...You get the rest.
I'm not Jesus.
Another told me "Well you have to choose NOT to be angry."
Okay?
I also choose to be skinny and have both my kids be normal teenagers and not have autism and my daughter not be blind! BITCH I AM PISSED OFF!!!!
I spent being lied to for the first 38 years of my life by a woman who was more interested in herself than me. She died young, and not I'm thinking she did it on purpose to avoid my wrath. (If anyone could plan it out, she could.)
Some where inside me I know the anger will pass. And I don't think I want it too. For once I WANT the anger. I WANT to keep it close. It will make me remember NOT to treat the people I love like crap.
So Mom...No you don't get "mom"....Lois, prepare yourself. When we meet in the next life, I'm going to kick your ass.
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