Still sick but thinking.....

I'm still not feeling right but I have been thinking about my newly found and deceased father.  I have been so angry I forget there once was a man who would have called me his own. 

I wrote a long letter to him today telling him how I felt, and now I wonder....Would he have liked me?  I mean I am not as conservative as the rest of my siblings, I believe in a lot of stuff I don't think my conservative siblings are into.  But I'm basically a nice person.  I love my friends and I love my family.  I try to do right by my family and friends, and I only want to see everyone happy.

I wonder if he would have been angry when David left me.  Would he have been there for me?  Would he have been here for the birth of his grandkids?  Or stepped over those special moments like Lois did?

Would have shown up for those important times in my life?  Or showed up impatiently like dear old Lois did?

Could I have had fun with brothers and sisters?  Thanks to Lois I will never know.

I guess those folks who read my earlier blogs get the idea I have been dealing with a emotion I am not use to carrying for long periods of time. 

Those of you who don't know me should know I was lied to my entire life, or at least the first 38 years by my mother.  Who told me all sorts of lies about my father.  Now that I know, both of my parents are dead.  And I have so much anger in me I don't know what to do but write about it.

Now I'm going to take my sick ass to bed and deal with my sorry self.